“Don’t eat that Himalayan Salt Lamp”,I pleaded in desperation,exasperation with pulses of perspiration.Just like my bluetooth device,she simply refused to respond.Just another normal day in my life where my wife felt like eating salt lamp will save her time and energy to get up from bed.The Ingenious oriental Salt lamp,normal day and my wonderful wife. Readers of the day,fellow non-relatables and my vigilant secret judges,let me take you in my weird world filled with pockets of idiosyncrasies,misadventure and occasional normalcy.
3 things have always given me perplexing paranoia:dealing with my bluetooth head-set, wearing a mask in Mumbai and conversations with my wonderful wife.Yes,even I was surprised by how similar these 3 are in my life.My Eureka moment came in the year 2020 when I decided to buy a bluetooth device,get married and then oh! the pandemic happened and I had to wear a mask to go to work in this wonderful humid mood of my city.2020 continues to surprise me but not comparable to my wife`s antics like gaining immunity from eating salt lamp.Another beautiful thing about my salt lamp is not only the fact that it is my wife`s favorite breakfast but it is originally mined from a place in Pakistan. Interestingly, it was bought to bring peace in my room but now it is melting into pieces.
Mask is one of the most revolutionary movement that has happened,not only does it stop my breathing just like my wife, it also makes my ear grow if I put it on for long.And just like my wife and my government,mask doesn`t allow me to speak freely and people say its safe to wear mask(not sure about getting married). Even I am baffled by the similarity that cropped up everytime I think about mask, bluetooth and my beautiful wife.
Marriage is like bluetooth device,looks fancy from outside but as time expands,you realise it takes lots of efforts to make it work and sometimes not so funny thing is,you lose your vibrant voice as I did when I bought this bewilderingly confusing bluetooth headset after consulting my expert wife.I admire your bravery if you have ever got married and then bought bewildering bluetooth headset and spoken loudly.
On taking a harder look,I did manage to find some defining differences though.Unlike bluetooth device that only works within 10-12 m distance,staying miles away from your wife helps a ton.Yes,mask does support you and bluetooth helps you connect but when weather turns strange and connection falters,your level of comfort falls back to panicky comical state.Just like in marriage
Everytime,I wear a mask,talk to my wife and play around with my faltering bluetooth,I am reminded of this inspiring quote:”what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” and I keep going strong with my 3 marvelous musketeers.
Another normal day in my life,as I look grimly at my non-functional himalayan salt lamp, half eaten lavishly by my better half,melting away slowly as is my hope for another peaceful day.
Pandemic has drastically changed the world,men & women moving around in mask and I am still searching for a perfect one.Oh No,not woman! a perfect mask .After doing extensive research on google:I decided to buy valve type mask in bulk:the day it arrived, government declared it illegal(just like 500 rupees notes).Just like my bluetooth headset and my wife`s mindset,I fail to understand such tragical comical unpredictable turn of events.Yet,another day vanishes,I happily plug in my bluetooth,put on my valve -less mask and fearlessly move out to catch a breath.
Just when it seemed things were returning to normalcy,my bluetooth device again refuse to connect,mask turned sweaty and watching my wonderful wife smile made me fear for the worst.
“Did you eat that Salt lamp again,I enquired politely
“No,I was suddenly curious to try gardening,went to balcony to stretch my hands and plant a new sapling when my unaware hand pushed an innocent flower pot down to the earth” she replied without an air of regret.
And the adventure continues,sapling was planted back on terrace and I tried my luck again with bluetooth device, my misty mask and my wonderful wife.
*hear a loud noise
“Did you drop that salt lamp ?”,I rambled with terror in my eyes.
Shailesh Satire 