Experiments are exciting, eerie, and unnerving at times. I mustered the courage to step out with a dream. Let the World not judge me by my identity but by the sensitivity of my heart. My temple was just a few miles apart. I stepped in, took a shallow breath as I met my Guru “Monu”
Monu: What would you prefer?
Me(nervous and excited): Blue with a tinge of green.
Monu: Interesting choice. Do you have time?
Me(lost in the calculation): Few hours
So it begins, my utopian dream to transform my image.
Everything about identity begins with this silky, rough, soft, hard, and attractive part of human: Hair
I won my bet and now it was time to turn blue.
The start was slow, serene, and stupid, with magical “monu” flirting magnanimously with my ever delicate hair already turned half brown, half grey, and half unrecognizable due to stress or scenarios such as “now”.
Monu was an able artist, carefully picking up every strand of my hazy hair, applying a paste of color on a shiny paper, and wrapping it around my saucy strands, minute by minute.
An hour into this intense art and craft project, I could barely speak or understand.
Meanwhile, Monu like every other sociopath was playing poker with my blacks and browns in an unemotional manner.
As we reached 90, he offered me a cup of tea when I had almost lost my sanity. I reluctantly took one to relieve myself from misery. To color your hair in the most elegant form, you need to suffer.
Oh Destiny, My Destiny!!
I glanced through my mobile and completed half typed message to get the necessary dopamine. Monu was back with a Spaceship-styled machine. This beast was supposed to dry or fry my hair. My mind-boggling head was kept inside this capsule. Switch on and I was on “HEAT” mode. At these times in my life, I realize how making decisions based on instinct, can almost drown you in such a steamy affair. The affair lasted for another half an hour when I lost my patience and asked my Guru to make it fast.
Me(losing last ounces of perceptible patience): Can this be done in 3 hours?
Monu{Cunningly): This will take at least take 4 as we need to wash your hair with a special shampoo before we apply blistering blue.
Me{defeatist tone): But you promised 3, anyways do it as soon as possible.
Monu offered me a Sandwich which I vehemently denied in a fit of rage or regret or both.
Monu, as every artist does, went about painting my hair with his special palette-shaped hand and even took help from her seemingly lost receptionist. She held my hair on one side as Monu weaved magic on the other. The battle was nearing its climax. I chanted “Divine” mantras to see myself through this ordeal.
Then came the final act. The Act of washing my head in the beagle basin. Monu, just as any sociopath would do, Lowered my head in the beagle basin with the slightest regard to pain in my neck.
I survived the Titanic and now my Guru was ready to unleash the final splash on my innocent strands.
Finally!!!!! It took 4 hours of artistic, uncertain, thrilling, and painful phases to complete the marvelously painful masterpiece.
I was ready to be crowned the blue streak of this town.
As Dickens said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”.
Drenched in satisfactory sweat, a harmless itch slowly turns into a monstrous mountain and my beautiful suffering begins. My story of dodging lesions on my beautiful skin goes a long way back. Like any obsessive online creator, this one keeps asking for constant attention.I first discovered this mysterious mud when I was 15 and naive.After weeks of hopeless allopathy(suppression of systems that make you cry),I happen to meet homeopathy wizard,who magically made my allergy vanish with harmless sweet rounded white gems disguised as chocolates.They say,”Homeopathy works on poison in nano form”.I was already consuming Chips and Bland Television,so I wasn`t missing the diet to be honest.I know,you are thinking this is crazy.Why am I bothered about allergy and how it can inspire you.Hold onto your already diminishing attention span for at least 3 minutes and you will discover secrets that can transform your life or ruin someone else`s.
After a brief hiatus of 15 years,I was revisited by this naughty evil again when I took my second dose of vaccine. Welcome back, you Devil.Allergy feels like a spiritual out of body experience.I turned off my satire meter and immediately took an appointment to see a skin specialist.
Dooms Day 2pm, Eerie silence, and familiar hospital smell.After an uncomfortable wait of 20 minutes.
Doctor: Hi, what is the issue?
Me:I have been having this allergy issue ever since I took the vaccine.
Doctor:Don`t worry,I will write you 3 medicines,one for suppression of symptoms,other 2 to suppress symptoms of symptoms.
Me(in my mind):I have been suppressed enough by my government,job and education.I can take no more
Me(After waking up from delusion):Will this cure it? Are there any side-effects?
Doctor:We can`t say for sure,we need to try and see.You are your own best doctor.
I am not sure what that meant but I understood there is only suppression of truth in treatment of allergy.
Me:Thanks doctor for you advice.I will meet you in 3 weeks and let you know.
I haven`t taken any pill that takes away my right to express.I decided to experiment and explore.Be your own alchemist or whatever.
Allergy is a funny disease,it is not understood by many but still exists.Just like ego or stupidity.For the next few weeks,I was eating momos and meeting my naughty neo,having pista laden sweet and welcoming my uninvited friend.Everytime,it appeared,I laughed and tried my best to stay sane.With time,it withered away.Now,it only comes occasionally to say hello or remind me that Dostoevsky was wrong
“Beauty can destroy the world”
Real beauty lies in letting be and staying conscious to every moment.Enjoy your flaws and treat them as jokes and you will see it mingle with yourself.As my incompetent doctor says “You are your best Doctor”
Until next time,Stay en-lightened and don`t be afraid if you have out of body experiences.Laugh it off and just go within because everything is funny.
“Eat Nuts,Eat Momos,Eat Pista and Enjoy the adventure”
Sun shone belligerent bright than my prospect of having a shiny smooth day. I put on my old Blazing black Shirt to absorb all the beautiful and ugly aspects of this rather ubiquitous epoch. I look up at the sky; scattered clouds, blazing blue sky, and angry sun sending me ultraviolet hellos. I meet my physiotherapist on the way as she gets down from her blue bike.
Miss Polite: how is your ankle now?
Me: Much better, thank you.
With a satisfactory smile, I stroll ahead only to encounter a strange-looking familiar man teaching Morse code to his cuddlicious(word of my personal dictionary) cute dog. I reach the garden and look out for birds. My favorite hobby is post-pandemic. Recovery of environment courtesy of human imprisonment has brought back birds and fear unseen for ages. The tree doesn`t distinguish, gracious enough to give space to novel ones. I observe the 3 masked muffled nurses in a new uniform, looking like they have just been released. They look eager to reach home and collapse. My new navy-looking, backbreaker arrives and I hop in.
I put on my headset with the hope to get some inspiration to handle Juvenile Jokers.
Whitson:(in his usual nuisance mode): I will stop this bus once and for a while.
Senior Officer: What`s the problem?
Whitson somehow lost his sense and threw a barrage of unforgivable offense on the Senior Officer. Before violent episodes could erupt, Whitson simply dropped off the lucky backbreaker.
A bus without suspension truly connects you to the ROAD: That’s Back Breaker, my office bus.
I connected to my favorite playlist and went into oblivion.
Beautifully decorated pot holes woke me up and I was petrified and excited to have another action-packed day.I looked out and saw a Local boy doing Yoga on 2 wheeler just to impress his girlfriend(who is unaware that a sudden break will send them both to Hell)
TezAadmi: Have you sold bitcoin?
Me(Bluffing confidently): I am playing a long-term game. I will hold for a year and see.
I can see men, women, boys, Dogs, DareDevils, and Goons racing towards our Noble naive Security Gate.I say it`s naive, as security personnel almost every time detect tiffin boxes as guns and give an ephemeral smile for his rather tame work. Other times, the detecting machine refuses to work.
A funny place to work where nobody knows what works, who works, or why it works. For my innocent binary eyes, the only thing that works is the sheer luck of our fellow sapiens. I begin my day with curiosity, hope, and courage. Curiosity to witness the next adventure, hope to see new comedians, and courage to face the adventure with my fellow comedians.
Mubbu: Good morning sir. How do you do? (He loves experimenting with English)
Me: It’s all good until I reach the Control Den.
Control Den has been my home for almost a decade. From 3 am adventure in the field with Bats to playing with Pungent gas to doing photoshoots for Corporate Paparazzi to searching for equipment that doesn`t exist. I have seen it all and beyond.I hardly take a breathe, when our legend arrives and waves me a scary hello. He is called a legend for reasons more than you can count on your fiery fingers.
Legend: Sir, we need to get that sample of exchangers.
I wish I could exchange this being with a more useful one(I thought in my devilish mind).
Me(Masking my muffled laugh): We will get it done.
The legend usually doesn’t walk straight or write a sentence without missing pronouns, yet he is our Great General Nuisance(or Manager you may call).
I take a few stress-free steps up this dilapidated ladder and meet Mr. Feku
Feku(Talking gibberish), there are so many of them that I make them all artists. They all have one-way conversations with the unobserved. Unobserved in this case is work and me. These Feku usually skip work but don`t spare me. (Why was I born in rain, Divine showering immeasurable pain). The personalities of these Fekus are so varied and risky that this job is no less than a red bull skiing adventure.
I enter dreaded ROOM No12 and it begins. Mockery of space, time, and resources with effortless ease as enter swarm of wily vendors to sign permits for work they will never complete.
I close my eyes and plan my day knowing that local goons and educated fools are ready to create another day of frivolous fun, unintended fun, and reckless run.
TRinng…TRinng..Phone rings
BigBoss: Check that pump, I heard it`s creating abnormal sound
Me wondering whether I should check his brain first or his abnormal behavior.
And It begins, my quest to solve another adventure filled with fun, fallacies,frolic and filth.
Life is funny ,tragic and interesting at the same time, only if you keep repeating same mistakes in different styles otherwise it is dull, dead and easy-Shailesh Tripathi
Hope is an addictive thing and no addiction easily dies unless an external hit is experienced on Head-Show Stop Presumption
It looked a normal naive day as I stepped outside with dreams of meeting Lunatic Languid Lala,Sleepy Suspicious Watchman and of course my cuddly crazy morse coded dog trained by the most boring Moustached species on the planet:Middle Age Man.I strolled through a rather gloomy day,with clouds waiting to burst in tears as if they sensed my pensive mood.I prayed to God not to meet that Old man again.Yes,the one who hands me receipts and advise at the cost of my peace of mind.Ripping it elegantly in pieces.
I silently admire my neighborhood Fitness Enthusiast who is sweating it out with a freaky expression on his moon like face. I call him Road Runner, as he is always seen in brisk bloody mode. I adjust to my ever rebellious mask and see three dejected diligent nurse walk past me in Salwar Suit, each covering their beautiful face with red, green and blue Mask. With clock ticking down I become restless to get my day started or at least pretend to do something meaningful. I remove my sleek white airpod and my 6″ addictive companion from my black bag and I instantly find relief. Ah! The greatest drug of 21st Century. This 6″ electronic distractor, that lures us into believing that we are intensively engaged. Only to realize, we are just dumbing down an entire generation as there is no law on access time for miraculous monster.My Frankenstein and my friend, my fire and my water, my hope and my fear. All trapped in this strange 6″ Chinese product.
BEEP! BEEP! Schumacher Uncle wakes me up from my dwindling delirium. I hop onto my traveler and immediately take my usual seat .Another day of notoriety, madness and dullness awaits .On my way ,I deeply connect with vibrations of road, disappointed faces on the road and my dangerous dreams. Sudden increase in vibrations of my body indicated that Main gate of my Arena wasn`t far. I hopped off, skimmed through miserable faces, play acted at the security and took a deep decisive breath before I saw Mubbu waving at me.
Mubbu: Good Morning sir
Me(Trying my best to stay mindful):I am good,Good Morning.Can you drop me to my first pitstop:C2C3 Control Station.
Mubbu: Get in
Mubbu is a marvelous middle age man with enthusiasm of a child. During this short journey, he keeps asking curious questions. Sometimes I tell him the truth, rest is mere spontaneity and metaphorical inner state of my mind.
Among all the Citizens of my Arena,I find him among the smartest.
Routine dulls the mind-J Krishnamurti.
As I enter my fireground,I take a detour to interact with my younger versions.More vulnerable and less affected by this joke called Job
Faiz:Sir,We have a problem in lpg unit
Me:Did you inform mechanical?
Faiz:They arent picking up phone
Some of the departments in my Arena have this superpower of disappearing at every working hour.
I scan through process parameters,make few more high fives with my young batch and move upstairs to meet another batch of unannounced Jokers.
On left of my door stands Mr. Monorail and on the right is Mr. India, both giving not so comfortable looks. I humbly ask them to let me enter first. Security is a myth but not stupidity. It is real and raw and tangible only if you keep your eyes and ears open
Mr. Monorail: Can you give me permit for my monorail?
Me: Will you complete this before our government falls?
Mr. Monorail: I am making luxurious electric marvel.
Monorail here refers to system that enables us to lift heavy equipment not the failure project of Mumbai.
Although, this one has a strong potential to be a failure, only if it ever completes.
As I take in few more conscious breathe ,Mr. India vanishes before my eye. I had intended to give him a very important dull job: Valve servicing.
FBI can track Julian Assange but we at our Arena,can never truly guess the whereabouts of this unassuming potter head.
My day had barely started when I received my first call from Mr. Einstein
Einstein:Follow up on air leakage
Me:Yes sir
You have to defy gravity or logic or both to understand Mr. Einstein.
I pulled out my weary warrior,now faded but still absorbing my load:my gritty blue bag.It has a bottle,raincoat and fruits to save me on my adventurous field trip.
Only when I felt a moment of silence and a gentle rain in background,I heard loud longing voice of Sappy
Sappy:Sir,we can solve this line leakage today
Me(in slight state of shock):Which leakage?
Leakages in my Arena are more frequent than good morning messages on WhatsApp group.
I know, the analogy was neither poetic nor deep but neither is work in my RING.
I put on my Yellow Fragile Helmet, walkie talkie and a bit of sarcasm. I stroll down the stairs with sappy to start another day filled with frenzied runs, lost communication and multiple idiosyncratic events perfectly set up for another roller-coaster ride.
4th May 2019:Sleep deprived yet filled with hope and anticipation,I set out for my next adventure.Mumbai Airport always feels a dreamy place during this early morning hustle. I had my usual coffee at rather unusual place.The price was unusually high considering the taste,but that`s the specialty of Airport drinks.It was a special day,for I was about to begin a special journey with a special person to a special place.Excited,nervous and ecstatic all in the same breath,I completed my check-in formalities in a flash.Fact of the month-Staff at Mumbai Airport are far more efficient,polite and helpful than at Delhi(after a decade of travel experience and close honest observation).
I boarded my favorite Airbus 320 with semi comfortable seats.They say,celebrities put a lot of efforts on Airport looks(they hardly put any effort on acting in movies though).You are mistaken.In this modern narcissistic era,Sapiens who regularly fly or act like they are always in air(high flying attitude),do experiment with unwavering energy on airport looks.I was amused by seeing ladies sporting flashy lipstick with over the top golden glasses and men sporting designer kurtaas just to contrast with seat color of their modest looking seat.I observe these cute idiosyncrasies and dream of having another memorable adventure.I plugged in psychedelic music,and in two bleak boring hour,I arrived at Delhi Airport.
Only thing I love about Delhi is it`s Metro connectivity.It is easy,reliable and less risky than Mumbai local trains.I seamlessly changed metro to reach Rajeev Chowk.Rajeev Chowk is a place that shows everything that is wrong with our country-Chaos,Rush and ever expanding population,shamelessly suffocating this beautiful place.Everyone is in a hurry,even I was,to meet this special person.Finally,after traversing miles within the metro,I met her outside Gate No. 6.With a childlike innocence and charm on her face,she looked eager for this unknown adventure.It was her first ever trekking experience and she looked all set with her bold blue backpack,determined spirit and inspiring smile.We both quickly marched through streets of Connaught place to search for a good restaurant.After circling around for quite a while,we finally found an art cafe.Soulful tracks,beautiful paintings and sumptuous food was enough to get us going for our venture.After few hours of crazy conversations,experimental coffee shots and berating Delhi culture,we were jumping in excitement.We reached ISBT to catch a bus to Dehradun scheduled for 10 pm.We reached ISBT at 9 pm and felt we had many light years before we catch our bus.In this deluded state,we sat down on the only seat that was empty.We had our usual tea and accidently bought an unusual book:5 am Club by Robin Sharma.To this date,I wonder why I bought that book or Why did I never woke up at 5 am or Why did Nikki suggest me this gem?
Dehradun has a special place in my heart.We imagined ourself being awestruck by upcoming thrilling Himalayan experience,talked endlessly on human values and bought kachha Mango Candy(it was that phase in our relationship) at 2 am.I made an unsuccessful attempt to sleep and she was already asleep as we reached Doon Station at 5 am.(Sleeping is her passion and overthinking is mine)
Himalayan Experience:I had already trekked once with India hikes and had an incredible experience.Scenes outside Dehradun Station resembled summer fair; families with children, enthusiastic youngsters and spirited older folks were all waiting in excitement.Summer vacation, unlivable city life and newly discovered mountain spirit of Indians was responsible for this grand festival.We had to wait for an hour before we started our journey.My partner was jumping with joy, excitement and bit of nervousness.I assured her of an incredible and beautiful journey.
As we drove over hills, capturing the beauty of Ganga Asi river,breathtaking valleys and mesmerising trees,I felt completely at home.Nature always brings me back to peace.After absorbing pristine sights for few hours,we halted at a small Dhaba(road site eating place in India) for lunch.Just leaving the city and entering hills gives me immense joy.My dream in life was always to chase butterflies on mountains rather than green notes in the city.I wish,someday I achieve this dream.We reached Kaflon campsite around 2 pm.I,my partner(let`s call her Nikki,because she is a total character) and unfamiliar families stepped out with a dream of exploring lower himalayas.After a short circuitos trek up(even this was challenging for Nikki yet she showed grit and anger and climbed with a sarcastic smile).Shining bright yellow tents welcomed us on this awesome day as we saw the leader and his team waving from a distance.
Day 1:Kaflon Campsite:Our trek leader Vijeet welcomed us with welcome drinks.He introduced us to his amazing cook Harpal and his masterchef team. Ever smiling Pankaj bhaiyya was our co-guide.Vijeet made us play an innovative game to help everyone remember each other`s name. I could easily spot few 10 years old genius boys in that game.One of them was indeed remarkable.His name was Adith and he was unabashed,super curious and funny.I,Nikki and Adith had a short trek down the hill in the evening.Boy was indeed a genius rap artist with immense knowledge on history,geography,mountains and almost any subject you can recollect.His prefontal cortex was in advance stage of development.Nikki also had a special talent(apart from sleeping and talking).She invariably finds a serene,beautiful and perfect spot to simply get lost in nature.Yes, she found it in a flash and we could absorb the vibrant air,graceful aura of Mountains and mystical lights from the sky.We quietly listened to chirping of birds,soothing sound of water from the lake and ever majestic colorful sky.Campsite was sheer delight and with her it was even better.
Our team had dinner at 7 pm where trek leaders gave us basic instructions on precautions to be taken before the trek.Food was sumptuous and Night sky was even more beautiful with stars and galaxies igniting my already elevated mood.Another exciting part of trekking on mountains is sleeping in tents.They provide you with sleeping bags and expect you to sleep in a cosy manner.I struggle to sleep anywhere and mountains were no different.While my partner could sleep literally anywhere and everywhere and sleeping bags just gave her an additional boost to pursue her passion.
Trek leader had given us clear instructions to wake up at 5,breakfast at 6 and start trek at 7.Most difficult part of the trek is waking up at 5 and getting out of that cosy comfortable sleeping bag.Excitement to explore beauty of himalayan forests pushed us out of our tent.Team got ready to start the adventure.Before we could start our trek,we were taught how to dismantle our tent.It was fun to learn new skills in this expedition.
As we began our journey to our first campsite-Shiladuni,enthusiasm of adults was at par with kids.Trekking up the mountains with backpack is a skill to master,if you get it wrong,you suffer a lot while climbing.Nikki felt the weight of backpack while making her way up,it was her first time and she clearly was struggling.She never gives up and that is her strength,she carried on without assistance in scorching sun as we crossed a village on the way to our first pitstop.Adith kept us engaged by his astonising stories of himalayan wildlife and forest expedition,even Trek leader Vijeet was impressed by the depth of his knowledge.I meanwhile was trying out different stunts like crossing a stream on wooden logs(that could fall off and send me to heaven).While the crowd cheered me on,Nikki clearly wasn`t impressed by this stunt.She is never impressed by poems,letters and gifts or even genuine praise,she is a strange sweet girl.We moved on through pristine forests, decorated by rhododendrons, green oak, brown oak and a few maple trees.As we cross these lush green beauties,we could hear melodious sounds of Himalayan birds.This place is a heaven for bird watchers.As Adith and Trek leaders were sharing inspirational mountain expedition stories,Nikki was gasping for breath(her backpack was proving to be a difficult companion for her) and I was simply absorbing nature`s delight in the most innocent and spectacular form.I forgot to mention our loquacious Gujarati Fan boy group of 5,who were enjoying this trek in their unique yet loud obnoxious way.I felt bad for Himalayan birds for their tranquility was disturbed by overenthusiastic humans.We reached Shiladuni Campsite around 1 pm. Place was serene,green and beautiful as is most of the places in lower Himalayas with less human footprints.It felt as if I was finally home.
Team Leader Vijeet asked us to assemble in a circle.Stretching exercises to relax our muscles was a fun way to release tiredness of the day.Soon after,we got instructions to make our tent in this glorious place.Making your own tent was a fun exercise(not for everyone though,Adith and Nikki were least excited for this activity).After 20 minutes of struggle and help from trek team,everyone managed to build their tent. It felt like an achievement to build your own house from the scratch.After a short afternoon nap on this magnificent meadow,our team was bubbling with energy to play ball at 7000 feet.After much deliberation, we chose to play “Pitthu”.Pitthu is a crazy Indian ball and stone game,where you either hit the stone or get hit by the ball or simply run to evade attack.Anyways,it was super fun and exciting to watch everyone play with freedom despite the difference in age group.Forget everything,live the moment and just enjoy the game.That`s the beauty of any sports.Sports unites,brings out innocence and sheer joy in people.After this breathtaking game in which 12 years old Adith almost never got caught by mere old mortals like us,we decided to call it a day.Vijeet narrated some unbelievable stories on famous mountaineers and their indomitable spirit in extreme conditions.It was a day to remember for life as folks of all age group from 9 to 45,got together and played Pitthu (In reality-An Indian game played with stones and balls,where you break the stones or save yourself from getting hit by the ball as opponent chase) at such an high altitude.9 years young,energetic and swift Adith being chased by 20 and 30 years old legs was a scene to cherish.Effervescent Evening turned into a gorgeous glorious night.
Camping on mountains at night is an unforgettable experience.Star gazing at night, when our very own milky way with it`s fascinating constellations, welcomes you with glitter,hope and excitement.It is a sight you cannot miss.You look up,absorb the vastness of space and pray sincerely,you don`t want this night to end.
Next day ,Team got ready by 7 am as Journey was longer and more challenging.After having delicious breakfast,we set forth to our next campsite:Chaithathar.We Trek through a forest patch for an hour, where Green Oak trees are dominant. This is where the maple trees start competing with the oak trees in vegetation. Soon after that we cross a small stream using wooden logs and stones placed on it. We hiked for an hour with a steep ascent and then through oak and bamboo forests.Finally,we reached our campsite by afternoon.Nikki had a dream of camping in the middle of the forest and today her dream finally came true.Campsite was surrounded by dense forests on one side and a breathtaking view of valleys on the other side.
Playing games,making tents and enjoying sounds of melodious Himalayan birds(which you can rarely spot unless you are an expert in bird watching).Bird watching is a serious profession as displayed by two middle aged warriors of our diversity rich trek team.Sophisticated fancy cameras on their back and desperate dreams to capture Himalayan Splendour. My dream is simple:Chasing butterflies on mountains.It sets me free and I feel limitless.As I was lost in this beautiful meadow,I turned around to see what my precious partner was upto.My already sensitive eyes took absolute astonishment as Nikki literally disappeared in fresh air.I searched around her along with my crew.I almost had a minor heart attack when I saw a reflection besides a lake.On the other side,was a massive mystical rock.On it sat my magical princess,in a meditative Yogic pose.I was stunned by the equanimity of the moment and her serene reflection in the lake.My trek leader Vijeet had only yesterday told us about a spirit that roamed in this magnificent eerie lake.I began to wonder and rushed towards her in anxious careless steps.
Mystery of Mountains never fail to surprise me.Was that my illusion or is she really emanating that glorious rusty radiance?Suddenly,she had become Sun on this starry serendipitous evening.Stranger things happen in most beautiful of places.
Nikki,Nikki,Nikki,I shouted to only hear a powerful echo of “OM,OM,OM”
I always find something funny even in dark situations,but this moment stunned me in silence.Suddenly I was one with mountains and everyone and everything around.
Stranger days call for strange weather and strange weather calls for Stranger situations.I know,it`s a strange start to my weird witty venture.As I prepare to dive into another extraordinary day of freakish adventure in our enterprising arena,I am still smiling inside simply thinking about-my notorious gems(Sappy,Kaashi,Chintu…).Human mind is the most powerful tool yet our notorious gems are using power of thoughts to play havoc in otherwise seemingly tepid space.You can`t discredit them for the unintentional fun they provide by just being who they are.Yes,these unintentional natural adventure, at times take your breathe away,yet it`s a price I am willing to pay.I am a brave man.A wise man never said,”to survive among notoriety requires stupidity and courage”
As I enter the main gates of my Arena,I am greeted by rather tense looking grumpy guy:Rama.Like Lord Rama,it seems even he has suffered a lot.We had a mini conversation as we did a security check in( bags are screened to detect if we carry AK-47 inside).But our goons don`t need a gun,they kill most of them with their lovely logic.Most days our X-ray machine goes to auto sleep mode.Our sleepy insecure guy daily checks our temperature(post corona days) ,only to realise that gun is not working.What a wonderful start to this rather riveting day.
I look above,see a bunch of clouds gathering to play devil,As if our notorious gems weren`t enough.One thing that has bothered me the most in the post corona era is wearing a malicious mask.Struggle is real.I only hope that I find my perfect mask before the vaccine is discovered.I have tried all numbers from N95 to 85 to 83 to infinity,none provide the ecstasy I am looking for while running frantically in field in this moisture laden atmosphere.I walk further towards my office as I hear a loud thump nearby.As I glance further,I see an innocent aluminium sheet blown away by violent winds.It seems,even the roof wasn`t happy with the civil work and decided to throw away her clothes in protest of her poor maintenance.I am angry and amused,I am shocked and at peace,these contrasting emotions are common as you enter my blissful arena.Today,I was excited more than ever as I was given charge of a fancy project.I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second and when I reconnected with the world,I saw BlissedOutBoy waving at me.
“Are we going take shutdown of the unit” he asked
“Let me reach office first and then we will see,based on priority or weather or team`s mood”,I said politely.Unfortunately or fortunately to most of the folks here,kindness is taken as a sign of freedom.Freedom to relax as per our misty mood,freedom to vanish in polluted air and freedom to argue with the most beautifully constructed lame statements.Working with notorious gems is fun and risky at times.I am a brave guy,I take risks even if it only provides me some moments of insane laughter.C`mon,every man or woman deserves atleast few laughs per day.I think our company should provide incentive to smiling faces,atleast this will motivate our gems to be more cheerful.Already the weather is gloomy.
Scene 2:I reach office,put my bags on intricately made post independence charming chair.I gently greet Nana(our cool canteen guy who always has some mischievous stories to share about other families,mostly about how that boy ran away with that girl and how boisterous barber sneaked into his village in post corona era).Anyways,Nana is a no-nonsense guy and charismatic than most of the folks frolicking in my artistic arena.
“why are you feeling down Nana”, I asked(not to poke just a genuine concern).Poking people is another wonderful habit seen in my space.
“Nobody drinks my tea nowadays,Damn this Corona”,he said in a deflated tone.(Nana never talks in English,this is just an attempt to translate from Marathi language and Marathi I understand is as good as how Sappy understands rest,well Sappy never takes a rest).
Nana was refering to covid19 fear.Symptoms of covid19 fear are far more lethal than covid19 fever.We will get back to covid19 fear discussion later if you call me for tea in your house.For now,I wait for management to guide my heart and soul.I barely open my computer and log in when telephone rings.
“Today,you must follow up with this big project.” said,Management
“Okay sir”,I said. Okay sir is the most misused phrase used in our arena.
It rarely indicates agreement and in most cases it is just an acknowledgement by the gang members,sometimes polite.Okay sir may indicate it is not possible as there is no manpower or rather brain power.
Okay sir may be used in variety of situations.It is used mostly as an effective shield to save you from saying something embarrassing or even truth.Well,truth is mostly embarrassing because nobody accepts it.
As I put down my receiver,I take another deep breath.You need plenty of deep breath if you want to survive in my arena.I look for adventure bag to drink protein smoothie.Extra energy is lost when dealing with absolute notoriety of highest level.As I begin to plan for the day,another one rings.
“Sir,we need fireman in zombie unit”,said Shikari
“I will ask management to provide one,till then don`t start anything” I said.
Shikari and his team always throw tweaky tantrum whenever real work is assigned to them.Shikari clan are badass and fearless,they roam around like Elephants in my arena.They rarely listen to anybody and continue to eat grass(stone face clan).I know,this doesn`t make sense,but what does,in my cute arena.
Scene 3:
I get ready for the big project.I dress up in my fancy orange suit and yellow smelly helmet,with adventure bag and extra mask.I reach the site only to find my funny mate:sameshirt enjoying the shade of nearby banyan tree.
“Sir,thank God you are here,we can start now”.said sameshirt
“what do you mean? Where is the in-charge? it`s already 11”,I asked in a puzzled tone.
Sameshirt is an uncanny character.I always find him near a tree,wearing same dreadful shirt every beautiful day.I wonder,how many sets of that shirt he has or is it the same shirt. Ofcourse,I don`t make risky attempt to recognize the smell.Mercaptan(chemical whose smell remains with you even after you leave your body) is enough to put me in a dazed delirious state.(I love alliterations).
Drama begins.I search for Innocuous Project Incharge.His face looks like,he won`t even dare to trouble an ant.Here as well,he is showing no sign of troubling this project by his suspicious absence.I take another deep breathe and drink my protein smoothie.On the other side of the road,I find Birbal 2.0 making headway towards the Arena.Birbal 2.0 always has something intelligent and interesting to share.(A rare moment of sanity in my eternal timeline of madness).
“In-Charge is not on site and the permit is not yet ready,we shouldn`t allow the work as per XYZ.abc code.” He said
“You are right mate but I got orders from management.We are already running late”I said in a hurried voice.
Birbal 2.0 expects our gang to follow XYZ.abc code rules where our gems don`t even wear Safety shoes in the Arena.Birbal 2.0 is a stubborn and funny guy.Just as I was moving closer to the arena,I saw Innocuous Incharge(I.I) making headway towards the arena.
“Where are your warriors? I can only see Capitalletter walking aimlessly inside the arena”,I said in a tone mixed with angst and amusement.
“smallletter is coming soon.Till then,you can ask Capitalletter to line up the valve(a device that regulate flow)”,He said in a tone that didn`t sound enthusiastic or hopeful.
I was wondering how on Earth are we managing such a precious project with these bunch of comics.Well,even I was part of this pristine play now. Capitalletter is a bubbly boisterous badass character.He loves claiming big stuffs without a hint of embarrasment or fear.He knows everything under the sun except the work assigned to him.(He will have a great bonding with our notorious gems,I smiled in silence).
I.I(,Innocuous Incharge)ordered Capitalletter to check the pressure at the top of the tank as my blood pressure shot up watching his dwindling steps towards the tricky tank.Birbal 2.0 silently yet closely monitors the comedy of errors and notes down the details.Another warning mail to my team is in the pipeline.Play had barely begun and I can only jump,run,tackle or sit with my head facing towards sky as I wait for divine to save us from this dubious derilious activity.I miss my notorious gems today and Sappy`s coconut water shots as I direct this already misguided play to it`s comical conclusion.
Meanwhile,Sameshirt is still enjoying the serene shade of nearby Banyan tree.I smile and turn back to see an avalanche of water entering our arena.Another notoriety knocked on the doors,so I ran again with a mix of fear and amusement(my eternal state).
Wear mask,Drink coconut water and stay sane.See you soon.
Scene 1:In the Post Corona era,everyone looks a goon with a mask,some cute,others threatening and wild,while most strange and lost.It’s a weird new world that has led to evolution of already notorious eccentric characters in my land.
Sappy was just over five feet with an innocent illuminating face donning a green mask.Yet looking at his eyes,you could see he had the eyes of the tiger,spirit of a champion and was here to rule.Sappy had that affable yet powerful aura that shone bright in this unforgiving summer in Belapur. He was the leader of diligent goon squad.
Wearing a full cover mask with a fancy goggle enters our local dude goon,Kaashi. Guy is tall,dark and handsome yet full of poise,presence and serenity.He only works in emergency,a no non-sense guy who otherwise maintains a low profile.
I am greeted by Sappy`s benevolent smile.When I first joined the arena,even I was mistaken by his innocent smile,affable persona and boyish appearance.After witnessing few of his heroic deeds,I am in awe of his raw,ravenous and fearless personality.I refer to him as Tiger Goon,always on the move,hunting for a new leakage in our arena.
Then comes Chintu,small in size but always full of overflowing nonsensical gesture. Chintu possesses grit without concrete knowledge(common characteristics of his mini gang).Last night,there was a gas leakage at our arena and I,along with Sappy and Kaashi were called upon to handle the situation
Me(in polite tone to Sappy):Can we depressurise this pipeline?
Sappy(in super confident tone):Sir,Lords blessings are there,we shall do it.Let us first ensure that all valves are closed( For non technical folks:valve is a device that controls the flow in pipelines).
Me:Cool,lets go along.
Scene 2:In scorching heat and unforgiving mercaptan(chemical whose smell lingers with you for multiple lifetimes) smell,our diligent gang set out to arrest the stubborn leakage.
Sappy along with kaashi and his junior Nani,were walking along the pipelines as if there was a war on the other side of the arena.Purpose was to find a way to isolate the pipeline.Sappy was using every cell of his prefontal cortex to devise a plan to do this seemingly formidable task.Kaashi was as usual cool donning dark shades and carefully examining the arena.Suddenly,Kaashi starts sprinting for no reason.I look around for any danger and then follow him with both curiosity and fear.He saw a giant lizard sprawling around this bizarre broken arena.
Sappy(in strange tone):Did you see that thing?
Me(in urgent tone):We have an urgent leakage to attend.We can`t lose time,playing man v/s wild here.
Sappy signalled to Nani to bring 3 m long hose pipe.Thus,began our crazy rescue operation.It is far easier to learn quantum physics than to find a way to isolate lines in our arena.I ordered notorious Chintu to bring materials for fixing up pipe connection.Circus had already begun with Cool Kashi crossing crazy crevis filled pipelines with a spanner in his hand with an ease that is only seen when Roger Federer serves Forehand on court.
Nani brought the flexible pipe and some hope with it as sun shone as bright as confidence reflected on Sappy`s face.
Our Big Boss:Einstein,called to know the status.Just like Einstein,most of our gang members go numb,start floating in air or refuse to breathe for few seconds as he floats a genius idea in our innocent impressionable minds.This one`s hair is not as frizzy as Einstein yet his mind seems to be more complicated than our great scientist.Einstein encourages us to try arresting the leakage by making some provision to depressurise the line.Mere mortals as we are,we set upon this risky yet ridiculous task,as I come out of my momentary coma state(state I usually experience when I receive genius advise from Einstein).
I sat alone in the scorching heat,thinking of another idiotic strategy to solve this magnificent problem.Sappy said,he will take a break to drink coconut water.Sappy is an expert in climbing trees and on our minds(if you let it rumble free).How on earth does this petite figure gain incredible energy to climb coconut trees and bring us sweetest coconut water to drink,is unimaginable.Sappy is on drugs,I assume or he is a special spirit.As I further deepen my imagination,Kaashi and Nani vanish,as if in this polluted mercaptan filled air.I begin search operation by contacting them on walkie-talkie.Walkie-Talkie is a strange communication device,where you always end up talking to yourself because you rarely find the person you want to communicate to,on the other side.It`s far easier to track Dawood Ibrahim than to know whereabouts of our notorious gang members.
Alas,I finally found them.We began our never ending task of depressurising this rather stubborn line.It seems,God is filling it up every time we empty it.To lighten already comical scenario in our quasy arena,I strike up a conversation with fire man.fire man is someone who is supposed to be alert and active and put off fire to save us.This one seemed the most carefree,partially enlightened guy.
Pardon me for using this format for writing conversation.I will change it in my next story.
Scene 3:
Fireman:sit for a while,let`s enjoy the air,the day is long
Me(frantically):Day is long but our tender lives can be short if we dont act now.Already half a day has passed and leakage is still not arrested.
Fireman(in calm tone):Whatever has to happen,will happen.Why worry mate.
Fireman seems a big fan of Murphy.He has already accepted his fate,he has no fire left in his already protruding ballooning belly.
Sappy to me seems the only real hope in this comical tragical situation.I turn to him to resolve this problem.
Sappy(in perpetual confident tone):Don`t Worry Sir,Lord`s Blessings are with us.We shall conquer this.
In him at that moment,I could simultaneously see Russell Crowe(In Gladiator) and Tom Hanks(in Forest Gump),Always ready to fight and run.Kaashi quietly went about his task to fix the clamp on the pipeline.
By manual intervention of adjacent irritating neighbourhood pipe(lines are so close,I am really curious to find out who designed this system,must have been a super optimistic or total nut guy to have faith in this vulnerable arena).
Kaashi and Nani suddenly changed their Avatar and donned on dedication cap to somehow arrest this ever flowing divine gas.
As flow in the line reduced,my hope rose like a phoenix and in my mind,I repeated cliche Obama statement:Yes,We can.And we did.Even I was taken aback,part amused by the turn of the events.
Sappy celebrated the victory by climbing another coconut tree.Kaashi removed his glasses and helmet to set himself free.I along with Nani sat beside the nearby Mango tree.
Another astonishing day ended in the arena.Characters in our arena always keep it alive,arduous and light.
Until Next time,Sleep well,drink coconut water and Wear mask.
Shailesh Satire 